I have to keep writing this stuff down and talking about it. Keeping it inside is just too hard. Thanks for listening, it helps more than you know.
Firstly a thank you to everyone who has called, texted, tweeted, emailed and reached out to me. It truly means so much to know that everyone cares so much about myself, Dani and our family.
Secondly, thank you for all the interview requests. I appreciate the offers, but I'm not ready to do that. Feel free to use my stories about the event that I share here if it gives help and perspective in any way.
Last night did not go well. I was so tired I was able to fall asleep. But at 4 am I woke up and the first and only thing I could think about was what I saw yesterday. Every time my mind wanders, I see the explosions over and over again. All the television and radio stations are talking about the events, it's been hard to see all the devastation over and over again.. I learned today that I witness three people die including an 8 year old. It's absolutely heart-breaking.
I came to the odd realization today that I was hit by a bomb. I was hit by the concussive force of a explosion which meant to and did kill and maim people. It's surreal. It's hard to put down those feelings in words. I was just far enough away that I wasn't hit hard enough to do any damage or stuck by any shrapnel. But it was a weird feeling when the adrenaline wears off, time is taken to reflect on what happened and reaize that I wasn't just a witness to this horrible thing.
After seeing the news today I also started to feel incredible guilty that I did not go back to help people like others did. I'm not sure what I could have done. I was pretty emotional and singularly focused on finding my family. I'm amazed and thankful or all those people who were willing to rush in and provide aid to those who needed it so much.
This afternoon I got around to downloading the pictures I took at the finish line. I have a bunch I took when we first got to our watching spot and then several of Dani I took when she ran past. Amount those I took was the one below of the crowd looking back towards the finish line. A far cry from how it would look 45 minutes later. It's kind of hard to tell, but I marked where my father in law, Tom, and I were walking (white/blue) arrow and where the first bomb went off, the best I can remember. We were just walking past that second red awning when everything turned upside down. Tom said to me last night "Tori, we were so close...", and that has suck in my head ever since then. I still can't believe how close we were, and how incredibly lucky we were.